That's me. Screw up. The guy who goes his whole life messing things up when all he ever wanted was to make them right. Unable to ever say the right thing. Unable to ever shut his trap when he should. The problem is how to ever make it right after you hit rock bottom. When words don't seem to matter anymore.
I'm not going to leave this fucked up. But I don't know how to fix it. That break down might come tonight, its been coming for a while.
I'm so tired of saying I'm sorry. It feels so meaningless now.
Fuck.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Snow
Its snowing outside right now. It shouldn't stick (better fucking not).
Think I've got whatever sickness I had beat. Felt pretty decent this morning and haven't been having much trouble eating. Gained back the weight I lost as a result of being sick already.
Since I was feeling somewhat normal today, and I've been anxious to get out and run since I haven't for a whole week now, I went back to my routine today. I'm not sure if I'll be able to run much more this year though, as its obviously getting rather cold out (hence the snow) and I don't really have the appropriate clothes for cold weather running. Any exercise-like pants are too large on me now, and I don't really want to spend money buying spandex to wear under my running shorts. Combined with the fact that my running shoes are beyond dead now, the right one doesn't seem to be giving much support any more. Thankfully I have strong ankles so it hasn't been a real problem yet. Really can't afford new shoes right now. I'll take this week to decide what to do. I may just scrounge up some sweats or buy a cheap pair at Walmart, guess I need to go there anyway.
Looks like letters from the OPM are starting to arrive. Dad's came today, so I assume the others on my background check contact list should be showing up shortly. Hopefully everyone will fill them out properly and shoot them off pronto.
Other than that, been pretty bored. Just about exhausted all the things I usually keep myself entertained with. Can't believe I've gotten through 10 months of this without going nuts. May still have a few months to go too, don't expect a class date till at least January.
Speaking of that. Talking with a friend that's out in Wichita now got me a little worried about the future. See, he moved out there from the east coast and has been out there pretty much since I graduated with him. Problem is, when you transplant yourself in a completely new community like that, it can be very difficult to find friends. The reality is things aren't like in school when you have classes and campus to throw people together. The social network of school is incredibly intertwined, while the social network of the real world is far from it. For introverts this can be especially stressful. Even someone who comes out of their shell and does their best to meet friends when they enter a new community may meet with less than stellar results. After a few months this can become just too much for them. These are the realities my friend presented me with. Unfortunately I couldn't give him advice because as I saw his situation described I became increasingly worrisome about my own. This is on top of some general stress I've been feeling lately about my choice of going to Washington. A year ago it seemed like a great idea, now suddenly I'm starting to wonder if I haven't set myself up for a very lonely period of life. However, as much as I'd hate to feel like I was admitting defeat, I at least can retain the opportunity to transfer elsewhere, even to Indiana, in a couple years. Hopefully it won't come to that and I'll be able to surprise myself and make good friends out in Washington. Time will tell.
What a habit of ranting I've shown lately... Guess when I have nothing better to do I let myself go nuts huh? Snow stopped already.
Think I've got whatever sickness I had beat. Felt pretty decent this morning and haven't been having much trouble eating. Gained back the weight I lost as a result of being sick already.
Since I was feeling somewhat normal today, and I've been anxious to get out and run since I haven't for a whole week now, I went back to my routine today. I'm not sure if I'll be able to run much more this year though, as its obviously getting rather cold out (hence the snow) and I don't really have the appropriate clothes for cold weather running. Any exercise-like pants are too large on me now, and I don't really want to spend money buying spandex to wear under my running shorts. Combined with the fact that my running shoes are beyond dead now, the right one doesn't seem to be giving much support any more. Thankfully I have strong ankles so it hasn't been a real problem yet. Really can't afford new shoes right now. I'll take this week to decide what to do. I may just scrounge up some sweats or buy a cheap pair at Walmart, guess I need to go there anyway.
Looks like letters from the OPM are starting to arrive. Dad's came today, so I assume the others on my background check contact list should be showing up shortly. Hopefully everyone will fill them out properly and shoot them off pronto.
Other than that, been pretty bored. Just about exhausted all the things I usually keep myself entertained with. Can't believe I've gotten through 10 months of this without going nuts. May still have a few months to go too, don't expect a class date till at least January.
Speaking of that. Talking with a friend that's out in Wichita now got me a little worried about the future. See, he moved out there from the east coast and has been out there pretty much since I graduated with him. Problem is, when you transplant yourself in a completely new community like that, it can be very difficult to find friends. The reality is things aren't like in school when you have classes and campus to throw people together. The social network of school is incredibly intertwined, while the social network of the real world is far from it. For introverts this can be especially stressful. Even someone who comes out of their shell and does their best to meet friends when they enter a new community may meet with less than stellar results. After a few months this can become just too much for them. These are the realities my friend presented me with. Unfortunately I couldn't give him advice because as I saw his situation described I became increasingly worrisome about my own. This is on top of some general stress I've been feeling lately about my choice of going to Washington. A year ago it seemed like a great idea, now suddenly I'm starting to wonder if I haven't set myself up for a very lonely period of life. However, as much as I'd hate to feel like I was admitting defeat, I at least can retain the opportunity to transfer elsewhere, even to Indiana, in a couple years. Hopefully it won't come to that and I'll be able to surprise myself and make good friends out in Washington. Time will tell.
What a habit of ranting I've shown lately... Guess when I have nothing better to do I let myself go nuts huh? Snow stopped already.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Optimism
I'm sick of shitty posts about being...well, sick.
Remembered to call Washington today, I had lost the phone number, so this afternoon I gave them a ring. Same lady that warned me about my stuff going to the wrong place ecstatically told me my paperwork arrived in record time. She wasn't sure how I sweet talked California into getting it out that fast. I'm not sure either. Evidently my fingerprints had already been checked out and came back clean (of course) so I'm conditionally accepted for hire by the FAA. So while my full background check grinds on I should be on a list somewhere in Oklahoma awaiting assignment to an academy class. Best case would be the November class, which won't happen I'm sure.
Met an old friend at the coffee shop tonight, spent a couple hours just enjoying a social break. Got to relieve some stress and talk about some stuff with someone who gives a shit. Good to have friends. I guess tomorrow night after I go to the Bethany Fish Fry with family I'm gonna meet up with some more friends. Just what I needed right now I should think. Chatting it up with high school friends always reminds me of the stark contrast between them and my college buds. For one, compared to my high school friends, the friends from college are a lot rougher around the edges, I kinda like that though. But when it comes to having someone hear you out and give you friendly advice, the old nice high school friends are good too.
Lastly, been thinking about Japan a lot lately. I really wanna head back there as soon as I can. I missed a lot of things I should have done last time I was there and I'm still regretting it. I always knew I'd go back, but I want it to happen sooner than later. Maybe next year sometime, I probably won't be able to make it in the spring for the cherry blossoms though, which would make for an amazing photographic experience. We'll see what happens. Also been running through some Japanese lessons in Rosetta Stone out of boredom. Its hard to tell if how much you're really learning with that program, its a bit of a mind trip. Although I couldn't honestly say how much Japanese I already know, I'm always surprising myself with it. Living there a month really forced a lot more knowledge in than I expected.
Well, can't wait for tomorrow night and I've been feeling a little better today. So, yay for optimism.
Remembered to call Washington today, I had lost the phone number, so this afternoon I gave them a ring. Same lady that warned me about my stuff going to the wrong place ecstatically told me my paperwork arrived in record time. She wasn't sure how I sweet talked California into getting it out that fast. I'm not sure either. Evidently my fingerprints had already been checked out and came back clean (of course) so I'm conditionally accepted for hire by the FAA. So while my full background check grinds on I should be on a list somewhere in Oklahoma awaiting assignment to an academy class. Best case would be the November class, which won't happen I'm sure.
Met an old friend at the coffee shop tonight, spent a couple hours just enjoying a social break. Got to relieve some stress and talk about some stuff with someone who gives a shit. Good to have friends. I guess tomorrow night after I go to the Bethany Fish Fry with family I'm gonna meet up with some more friends. Just what I needed right now I should think. Chatting it up with high school friends always reminds me of the stark contrast between them and my college buds. For one, compared to my high school friends, the friends from college are a lot rougher around the edges, I kinda like that though. But when it comes to having someone hear you out and give you friendly advice, the old nice high school friends are good too.
Lastly, been thinking about Japan a lot lately. I really wanna head back there as soon as I can. I missed a lot of things I should have done last time I was there and I'm still regretting it. I always knew I'd go back, but I want it to happen sooner than later. Maybe next year sometime, I probably won't be able to make it in the spring for the cherry blossoms though, which would make for an amazing photographic experience. We'll see what happens. Also been running through some Japanese lessons in Rosetta Stone out of boredom. Its hard to tell if how much you're really learning with that program, its a bit of a mind trip. Although I couldn't honestly say how much Japanese I already know, I'm always surprising myself with it. Living there a month really forced a lot more knowledge in than I expected.
Well, can't wait for tomorrow night and I've been feeling a little better today. So, yay for optimism.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Seriously?
Last night I felt pretty normal. I was able to eat a regular meal for dinner which felt great. I was sure that things would be fine from now on. The next morning I woke at 6am-ish feeling absolutely horrible. Probably the worst I'd felt in the morning yet. I tried going back to sleep, but every time I managed it I'd have dreams like you get when you have a bad flu. I finally crawled out of bed because it felt worse to stay in it. All morning I felt so awful that I couldn't even begin to think optimistically. Around noon it finally wore off and I was able to eat a bit for lunch.
I have no clue what this is. Its odd to me that sleeping would seem to make it worse but that's what its like every day. I'm scared to death that I've actually found myself in a state of depression. Its something I've always given a glare to, not really believing people couldn't just suck it up and move on. This morning though, I could really see how people could feel that way, hopefully its just because I felt so awful.
This year has been generally a bad one for my family and myself. Aside from one month in the summer I've felt like my life has been going nowhere. The adventure of Japan a year ago and the busy busy life of a graduating college student have long since faded away into deep memory. It doesn't help that my truly happy memories of this year, the month I was in a relationship, seem to depress me if I think about it since that relationship is long gone now.
There's a clock downstairs that is broken. It sits on 7:13 every day, every minute. I looked at that clock today and thought I had a lot in common with it. This is me, frozen in time, watching the world spin by. If it was a matter of working toward my goals I could go out and do that. Unfortunately right now its a matter of waiting for my class date. I never wanted to spend the holidays here, its not my thing. Plus having no money I'm not inclined to be around for Christmas anyway. Mostly I just want to move on as quickly as possible. Memories, both good and bad, seem to dominate my idle thoughts these days, making me wish I could occupy myself otherwise. I think mostly though, these past few months have reminded me of my tendencies to screw things up because of my insecurities. Frustration at myself, and the way the world works despite what I want, that's the problem here. I'm so afraid my behavior won't be forgiven, that all the positive things that were said have since been retracted. I just wanted to be a good memory.
Here's hoping things go smoother in my new life in Washington.
I have no clue what this is. Its odd to me that sleeping would seem to make it worse but that's what its like every day. I'm scared to death that I've actually found myself in a state of depression. Its something I've always given a glare to, not really believing people couldn't just suck it up and move on. This morning though, I could really see how people could feel that way, hopefully its just because I felt so awful.
This year has been generally a bad one for my family and myself. Aside from one month in the summer I've felt like my life has been going nowhere. The adventure of Japan a year ago and the busy busy life of a graduating college student have long since faded away into deep memory. It doesn't help that my truly happy memories of this year, the month I was in a relationship, seem to depress me if I think about it since that relationship is long gone now.
There's a clock downstairs that is broken. It sits on 7:13 every day, every minute. I looked at that clock today and thought I had a lot in common with it. This is me, frozen in time, watching the world spin by. If it was a matter of working toward my goals I could go out and do that. Unfortunately right now its a matter of waiting for my class date. I never wanted to spend the holidays here, its not my thing. Plus having no money I'm not inclined to be around for Christmas anyway. Mostly I just want to move on as quickly as possible. Memories, both good and bad, seem to dominate my idle thoughts these days, making me wish I could occupy myself otherwise. I think mostly though, these past few months have reminded me of my tendencies to screw things up because of my insecurities. Frustration at myself, and the way the world works despite what I want, that's the problem here. I'm so afraid my behavior won't be forgiven, that all the positive things that were said have since been retracted. I just wanted to be a good memory.
Here's hoping things go smoother in my new life in Washington.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Quickly,
Went running anyway, blame stubborness for once. Bad idea. Wasn't able to eat even half a bowl of soup for dinner, went to bed till I felt better. Now its late and as usual I'm starting to feel okay again, but I feel that the morning will bring the usual return to shittiness.
Dad came home with a flu today too. Its concerning, don't like seeing him ill, hopefully I didn't cause it.
Forgot to mention earlier the FAA managed to give me the wrong address for my background check paperwork. It went to California when it should have gone to Washington. Thankfully folks at both regional offices were helpful and it was taken care of the next day. I'll call Washington tomorrow to make sure everything showed up, or at least to let them know its coming. Maybe convince them to rush my paperwork a bit.
Gotta keep reminding myself someday the good things in life will outweight the bad. Someday.
Went running anyway, blame stubborness for once. Bad idea. Wasn't able to eat even half a bowl of soup for dinner, went to bed till I felt better. Now its late and as usual I'm starting to feel okay again, but I feel that the morning will bring the usual return to shittiness.
Dad came home with a flu today too. Its concerning, don't like seeing him ill, hopefully I didn't cause it.
Forgot to mention earlier the FAA managed to give me the wrong address for my background check paperwork. It went to California when it should have gone to Washington. Thankfully folks at both regional offices were helpful and it was taken care of the next day. I'll call Washington tomorrow to make sure everything showed up, or at least to let them know its coming. Maybe convince them to rush my paperwork a bit.
Gotta keep reminding myself someday the good things in life will outweight the bad. Someday.
Sick
Well...I don't know.
Spent the weekend sick, still am. I don't know what it is though. I can barely eat anything and feel like I have nervous butterflies in my stomach most of the time. It feels the worst when I'm just sitting around bored. I'm basically finding things to do to keep from being too bored but there's only so much I can do. I start to feel better later at night but the next morning when I wake up it comes flooding back. The worst part is that being sick frustrates me which in turn makes me feel worse.
Raked leaves Sunday to keep myself busy, but found that since I haven't been eating much anything that I barely had the energy for it. Of course more leaves fell after I raked so it looks the same now. Will probably go back out there this week and do it again.
Today I thought maybe if I forced down some lunch I'd be able to go on my run tonight, since I haven't gone for 2 days now. I wasn't even able to finish a normal sized lunch, and just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I can't imagine running is going to help things, so it will have to be put off for now, much to my dismay.
I don't know why I feel like this, I'm trying to be optimistic, I know I'll be getting an academy date eventually, but feeling like this everyday combined with the boredom is just taking its toll.
Spent the weekend sick, still am. I don't know what it is though. I can barely eat anything and feel like I have nervous butterflies in my stomach most of the time. It feels the worst when I'm just sitting around bored. I'm basically finding things to do to keep from being too bored but there's only so much I can do. I start to feel better later at night but the next morning when I wake up it comes flooding back. The worst part is that being sick frustrates me which in turn makes me feel worse.
Raked leaves Sunday to keep myself busy, but found that since I haven't been eating much anything that I barely had the energy for it. Of course more leaves fell after I raked so it looks the same now. Will probably go back out there this week and do it again.
Today I thought maybe if I forced down some lunch I'd be able to go on my run tonight, since I haven't gone for 2 days now. I wasn't even able to finish a normal sized lunch, and just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I can't imagine running is going to help things, so it will have to be put off for now, much to my dismay.
I don't know why I feel like this, I'm trying to be optimistic, I know I'll be getting an academy date eventually, but feeling like this everyday combined with the boredom is just taking its toll.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Going the Distance
Ehm, quickish update.
On Monday I was about half a mile into my run when I remembered that I'd wanted to try for 3 miles at somepoint. Made up my mind on the spot to just do it. So when I got to the Waverly Bridge I just kept going. It felt like I'd entered a new world, like I'd broken through a barrier. To be honest the extra half mile down to Lincoln Avenue felt great. I even found some more spots to try photography, I'll have to head down there next Saturday or whenever I decide to take an off day. Anyway, I got to Lincoln and turned around to head home and whoa my legs got heavy. Luckily I got some sort of runner's high for the way back, mixed with some good steadfast determination. Got all the way back home in a time of 29:30. Not a bad time for 3 miles I think. Of course then I mapped the route online again and realized I'd run 3.25 miles. That puts my actual time for 3 miles down about 2 1/2 minutes or so. Pretty good I'd say.
Of course, as is the way with me, now that I've gone that far I have to do that everytime. So today I went out and did it again. Its gonna be hard on me to keep this up every day, that extra mile counts for a lot. But I know it'll only help in the end, so I'll keep at it. Also seem to have finally broken the 190 barrier and dropped a couple lbs. to 188, can't remember the last time my weight was this low. Probably need to be 180 before I'm happy.
Past couple days I've had this maddening thought that I'm forgetting something. I have no clue what it could be, but its just sitting there in the back of my mind annoying me.
Decided to head downtown to check out some used bookstore there and walk around to waste time tomorrow. Maybe go to the coffeeshop, but only if I find a book or decide to actually write in a notebook. Hmm, should bring the camera along just in case.
So much for quickish update.
PS. I haven't run farther than 2 miles in the 6 or so years since I busted up my legs in the accident. It really meant a lot to me to do that. It was the last misplaced piece that needed to be put back the way it was.
On Monday I was about half a mile into my run when I remembered that I'd wanted to try for 3 miles at somepoint. Made up my mind on the spot to just do it. So when I got to the Waverly Bridge I just kept going. It felt like I'd entered a new world, like I'd broken through a barrier. To be honest the extra half mile down to Lincoln Avenue felt great. I even found some more spots to try photography, I'll have to head down there next Saturday or whenever I decide to take an off day. Anyway, I got to Lincoln and turned around to head home and whoa my legs got heavy. Luckily I got some sort of runner's high for the way back, mixed with some good steadfast determination. Got all the way back home in a time of 29:30. Not a bad time for 3 miles I think. Of course then I mapped the route online again and realized I'd run 3.25 miles. That puts my actual time for 3 miles down about 2 1/2 minutes or so. Pretty good I'd say.
Picture from the other day, just for the hell of it.
Of course, as is the way with me, now that I've gone that far I have to do that everytime. So today I went out and did it again. Its gonna be hard on me to keep this up every day, that extra mile counts for a lot. But I know it'll only help in the end, so I'll keep at it. Also seem to have finally broken the 190 barrier and dropped a couple lbs. to 188, can't remember the last time my weight was this low. Probably need to be 180 before I'm happy.
Past couple days I've had this maddening thought that I'm forgetting something. I have no clue what it could be, but its just sitting there in the back of my mind annoying me.
Decided to head downtown to check out some used bookstore there and walk around to waste time tomorrow. Maybe go to the coffeeshop, but only if I find a book or decide to actually write in a notebook. Hmm, should bring the camera along just in case.
So much for quickish update.
PS. I haven't run farther than 2 miles in the 6 or so years since I busted up my legs in the accident. It really meant a lot to me to do that. It was the last misplaced piece that needed to be put back the way it was.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Running into Fall
Paperwork sent off, back to leaving my life in others hands. Think I mentioned that before.
Went to the Mill Race today and did some photography. I haven't been out on a photo trip in a long while so I thought it would be a good chance with the leaves finally changing. Also gave me some exercise on one of my running off days. Photo above was one of my attempts at HDR, which is a series of shots at different bracketing that are then merged together as one, giving it a much larger contrast range then usual. That at least is how its supposed to work, I'm not very good at it yet. Not good at nature photography in general yet, took 75 shots and only liked 5 of them enough to upload to Flickr. Well its a bit of a new field for me, I'll get lots of practice with it in Washington, that's for sure.
Mentioned this was one of my off days for running. For the past couple months I've been trying to work out almost every day. I think its safe to say its averaged out to about 6 out of 7 days a week. The routine consists of a 2 mile run, generally at a pretty slow pace compared to people who run often, then 20 push ups, 50 sit ups, a leg lift to failure and finally some weights. Not sure if this routine is effective or well rounded, its sort of something I just made up about a year and a half ago, when I was getting ready for Japan. After 2 months I can't tell really the exact amount of improvement. I've lost about 5 or 6 lbs but I seem to be stuck there. Definitely a lot more muscle now, not that there was much to begin with. Right leg seems to finally have come up to par with the left, couldn't believe the atrophy was that bad even after all this time. I guess my two part goal is 1) Keep cholesterol and blood pressure under control, which is important not only for health in general but also for my career. Bi-annual physicals and whatnot. 2) Get myself into at least respectable physical appearance. By that I guess I mean get rid of the gut. Its decreased but still needs more work. With Winter coming I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up. Would be nice to get all the way in shape before I start working but who knows.
Did say I was frustrated about something last time. Ended up writing down my thoughts and it came out as whiny and idiotic. Fairly certain my frustration is also a case of mistaken thoughts. To sum it up, I want people to be honest with me. Its all I ask of anyone really. I feel like I've lost/am losing a lot of friends because nobody is telling me the truth. I'm a shitty friend, I know this, and I suck at taking criticism, but I want everyone to be honest with me and tell me how they feel about me. If I'm unwanted then I don't want to be there. If I'm wanted then I don't want to feel unwanted.
Yeah, overboard I know, that's the way I am these days. Feel like once I get moving again I won't always be thinking like this. My idle mind just gets out of control I suppose.
Lastly, some friends had rough weeks. Tried to do my best for both, but only so much you can do through AIM, and only so much you can do as a friend. I like helping people, its odd but I do. It really gets to me when I can't do a damn thing to help someone when they could use some. Hopefully I got across to both that I really do care about how their lives are going.
Went to the Mill Race today and did some photography. I haven't been out on a photo trip in a long while so I thought it would be a good chance with the leaves finally changing. Also gave me some exercise on one of my running off days. Photo above was one of my attempts at HDR, which is a series of shots at different bracketing that are then merged together as one, giving it a much larger contrast range then usual. That at least is how its supposed to work, I'm not very good at it yet. Not good at nature photography in general yet, took 75 shots and only liked 5 of them enough to upload to Flickr. Well its a bit of a new field for me, I'll get lots of practice with it in Washington, that's for sure.
Mentioned this was one of my off days for running. For the past couple months I've been trying to work out almost every day. I think its safe to say its averaged out to about 6 out of 7 days a week. The routine consists of a 2 mile run, generally at a pretty slow pace compared to people who run often, then 20 push ups, 50 sit ups, a leg lift to failure and finally some weights. Not sure if this routine is effective or well rounded, its sort of something I just made up about a year and a half ago, when I was getting ready for Japan. After 2 months I can't tell really the exact amount of improvement. I've lost about 5 or 6 lbs but I seem to be stuck there. Definitely a lot more muscle now, not that there was much to begin with. Right leg seems to finally have come up to par with the left, couldn't believe the atrophy was that bad even after all this time. I guess my two part goal is 1) Keep cholesterol and blood pressure under control, which is important not only for health in general but also for my career. Bi-annual physicals and whatnot. 2) Get myself into at least respectable physical appearance. By that I guess I mean get rid of the gut. Its decreased but still needs more work. With Winter coming I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up. Would be nice to get all the way in shape before I start working but who knows.
Did say I was frustrated about something last time. Ended up writing down my thoughts and it came out as whiny and idiotic. Fairly certain my frustration is also a case of mistaken thoughts. To sum it up, I want people to be honest with me. Its all I ask of anyone really. I feel like I've lost/am losing a lot of friends because nobody is telling me the truth. I'm a shitty friend, I know this, and I suck at taking criticism, but I want everyone to be honest with me and tell me how they feel about me. If I'm unwanted then I don't want to be there. If I'm wanted then I don't want to feel unwanted.
Yeah, overboard I know, that's the way I am these days. Feel like once I get moving again I won't always be thinking like this. My idle mind just gets out of control I suppose.
Lastly, some friends had rough weeks. Tried to do my best for both, but only so much you can do through AIM, and only so much you can do as a friend. I like helping people, its odd but I do. It really gets to me when I can't do a damn thing to help someone when they could use some. Hopefully I got across to both that I really do care about how their lives are going.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Progress
Might as well post this early tonight, don't expect much else to happen.
Officially finished my end of the pre-employment paperwork process. This morning I drove over to South Bend ATCT and took the 374 question long psychological test. It was...interesting, to say the least. Hopefully I won't get called by for a psychological interview.
After that was finished I eventually made my way over to the Goshen Sheriff's office and got myself fingerprinted. Of course I didn't have $10 on me for the fee, luckily the FBCU building was right around the corner. Walked over there, gawked at the inside of the fanciest bank I've ever been in, got me some money and headed back. Fingerprints are nifty by the way.
Since I finished and submitted the background check the other night all that stuff was finished with the fingerprint card so tomorrow morning that should go out with the UPS Overnight and hopefully make its way to LA by Friday. Now begins the waiting game again. In the past the official word was 6-8 weeks before you could expect an academy date. I'm not sure if that still holds true but if could be longer. The Academy is packed full of new hires, mostly OTS, and the classes are backed up last I heard. We shall see in the coming weeks when I'll end up there.
Continued the home search in Spokane. Found a good amount of luxury apartments in the area. Although I'm not big on apartments, these places were nice enough to consider, plus many of them have attached garages which makes them almost townhouses. The main problem I've run into is distance from work. Every suitable place I've found is between 25 and 30 minutes from Spokane ATCT. Not the most terrible commute, mostly just surprising everywhere is within that range. I'm now refining the selection by looking at nearby shopping and dining and so forth. One thing for sure though, gas is flippin expensive in Spokane, about 10 to 20 cents higher than around here.
Also, somethings been frustrating me, but that can wait for another time.
Officially finished my end of the pre-employment paperwork process. This morning I drove over to South Bend ATCT and took the 374 question long psychological test. It was...interesting, to say the least. Hopefully I won't get called by for a psychological interview.
After that was finished I eventually made my way over to the Goshen Sheriff's office and got myself fingerprinted. Of course I didn't have $10 on me for the fee, luckily the FBCU building was right around the corner. Walked over there, gawked at the inside of the fanciest bank I've ever been in, got me some money and headed back. Fingerprints are nifty by the way.
Since I finished and submitted the background check the other night all that stuff was finished with the fingerprint card so tomorrow morning that should go out with the UPS Overnight and hopefully make its way to LA by Friday. Now begins the waiting game again. In the past the official word was 6-8 weeks before you could expect an academy date. I'm not sure if that still holds true but if could be longer. The Academy is packed full of new hires, mostly OTS, and the classes are backed up last I heard. We shall see in the coming weeks when I'll end up there.
Continued the home search in Spokane. Found a good amount of luxury apartments in the area. Although I'm not big on apartments, these places were nice enough to consider, plus many of them have attached garages which makes them almost townhouses. The main problem I've run into is distance from work. Every suitable place I've found is between 25 and 30 minutes from Spokane ATCT. Not the most terrible commute, mostly just surprising everywhere is within that range. I'm now refining the selection by looking at nearby shopping and dining and so forth. One thing for sure though, gas is flippin expensive in Spokane, about 10 to 20 cents higher than around here.
Also, somethings been frustrating me, but that can wait for another time.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Testing Testing
Ehm, the process continues. I've got 90% of the paperwork done, will probably fax half of it out tomorrow. Still waiting on my last contact for the background check to get back to me, he's on the verge of getting replaced (dun dun dun). I think I ended up having to find...(counting)...8 contacts, thankfully some of them were repeated in other parts. Now I just have to hope when the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) sends them the surveys they'll all fill them out and return them ASAP.
Wednesday I drove to Laporte Municipal Airport to visit the FAA medical examiner there. I'd never heard of an examiner having an office right in the FBO (Fixed Based Operations, like the terminal at small airports) but I guess that it makes sense. He was a pretty cool guy and helped me out a lot, he knew well how much rode on physicals like these and helped me relax. I also liked that he explained what he was doing with every step, good info to know. Couple of things I didn't expect was; a near vision test (I've never tested my near vision, only far) and a cardiograph (which got me a couple shaved patches on my chest, awesome). Regardless of surprises I breezed through the medical so I'm fit for duty in that regard, for one year, yay. Not that I was really worried in the first place.
Thursday I headed over to Fort Wayne for my drug test. The lady over there wasn't terribly enthused with dealing with me, at least that's how it felt. Apparently I come with a lot of paperwork, because that was the first thing she complained about, how I required so much more paperwork than the other drug testees. Suck it up lady, you didn't see the stack of crap I have back home, with more on the way later. So I was the only person there for testing so I quickly uh, filled my cup and got out of there. Somewhere in the mail are a couple vials of my piss, off to a lab somewhere. Obviously I'm not worried in the least about the drug test.
At some point I'll be headed over to South Bend ATCT for my MMPI2 test, which is a psychological test. 300 some questions that will determine if I'm too crazy for this job or not. Not entirely sure what to expect there, although Mike pointed out that all air traffic controllers are pretty damn crazy in the first thing so it can't be that hard to pass.
Mmm, not much else than that really...still looking for a place to live on and off. Found out someone on a forum I frequent lives there so I've asked him for a little advice on the area. Just trying to find out what I can about the area. Starting to think I may be in for some culture shock when I get out there, in my own country no less. Looking forward to this adventure, but as its also the rest of my life, precautions should be taken. Nonetheless, I'm itching to get out there.
Wednesday I drove to Laporte Municipal Airport to visit the FAA medical examiner there. I'd never heard of an examiner having an office right in the FBO (Fixed Based Operations, like the terminal at small airports) but I guess that it makes sense. He was a pretty cool guy and helped me out a lot, he knew well how much rode on physicals like these and helped me relax. I also liked that he explained what he was doing with every step, good info to know. Couple of things I didn't expect was; a near vision test (I've never tested my near vision, only far) and a cardiograph (which got me a couple shaved patches on my chest, awesome). Regardless of surprises I breezed through the medical so I'm fit for duty in that regard, for one year, yay. Not that I was really worried in the first place.
Thursday I headed over to Fort Wayne for my drug test. The lady over there wasn't terribly enthused with dealing with me, at least that's how it felt. Apparently I come with a lot of paperwork, because that was the first thing she complained about, how I required so much more paperwork than the other drug testees. Suck it up lady, you didn't see the stack of crap I have back home, with more on the way later. So I was the only person there for testing so I quickly uh, filled my cup and got out of there. Somewhere in the mail are a couple vials of my piss, off to a lab somewhere. Obviously I'm not worried in the least about the drug test.
At some point I'll be headed over to South Bend ATCT for my MMPI2 test, which is a psychological test. 300 some questions that will determine if I'm too crazy for this job or not. Not entirely sure what to expect there, although Mike pointed out that all air traffic controllers are pretty damn crazy in the first thing so it can't be that hard to pass.
Mmm, not much else than that really...still looking for a place to live on and off. Found out someone on a forum I frequent lives there so I've asked him for a little advice on the area. Just trying to find out what I can about the area. Starting to think I may be in for some culture shock when I get out there, in my own country no less. Looking forward to this adventure, but as its also the rest of my life, precautions should be taken. Nonetheless, I'm itching to get out there.
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